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EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS
"E.H. the Guidance Counselor"
CLOSED CAPTIONED

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("What I Like About You"
by The Romantics playing)

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CHRIS ROCK:
When I entered the ninth grade
at Corleone,

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even though I was still
in a junior high building,

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it was technically
my first year of high school.

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Some things remained
the same...

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Welcome back, Jungle Love.

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...and some things changed
totally.

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Namely, everything I did from
then on would affect my future.

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At the end of the eighth grade,
every student had to take

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the Grade 8
Proficiency Assessment test.

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The G.E.P.A., or GEPA,
assesses your progress

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and addresses any changes you
might need in your curriculum.

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So we're not getting
a grade on this?

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Technically, no.
That's technically great

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'cause I technically
didn't study.

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So did you get
your test scores back yet?

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Not yet, but I'm not worried
about it, though.

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They said the test doesn't
count towards your grade,

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so what difference
does it make?

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A lot.

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* Hey.

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Chris, after
looking

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at your test results,
I'm very concerned.

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I'd been getting my ass whooped
for two years

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and now she's concerned?

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What are you concerned about?

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You did horribly
on your test.

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With that on your record,

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it could seriously harm your
chances of going to college,

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even if you get
a basketball scholarship.

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Is she crazy?

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There's no grades
they won't take

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if you can play basketball.

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I thought the test didn't count.
Chris,

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everything counts.

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You should know that.

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I would expect Greg
to get suckered in

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by someone saying that,

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but with all your street smarts,

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you should know better
than that.

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I'm sure with all the
careers available with...

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hair care companies
and dance show hosting,

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it's hard to decide,

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but you're going to have to
apply yourself, even for that.

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Hair care companies
and dance show hosting?

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My point is: to help you get off
on the good foot,

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I've made an appointment for you

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to see
the new guidance counselor.

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Guidance counselor?

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All I knew
about guidance counselors

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was that you usually went
to see them

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because there was
something wrong with you.

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So you're Chris.

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Yes, sir.

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I'm Mr. Abbott,
your guidance counselor.

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Having problems, huh?

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Yeah, my teacher says I need
some help figuring out

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what I want to do
with my future.

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You can say that again.

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What do you mean?

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Chris, what do you want to do
when you get out of school?

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I don't know.

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You know, you got
about as much direction

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as a broken compass.

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I'm surprised
you were even able

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to find your way to this office.

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According
to this test,

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you put the "upid" in "stupid."

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The way I see it,
you're about...

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two bad decisions away
from a life of crime.

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I don't know anything
about crime.

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Make that one bad decision.

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Can you help me?

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Well, unless they hire Big Bird,

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I'm going to have to.

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* Ah, make it funky now.

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Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

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I tanked the test because
I thought it didn't count.

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Looking at my grades,
you'd think I couldn't count.

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How did you even make it
into ninth grade?

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I mean, they should have
picked up on this years ago.

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How many did
I get wrong?

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It's a skills assessment test,
Chris,

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and basically what it says is

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that you don't have
the propensity for any skill.

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Propensity?

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I got propensity.

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Do you even know
what "propensity" means?

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No.

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Okay, maybe it's not that bad.

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I'm going to have to help you.

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That's my job.

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I'm the "guidance" counselor.

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But I'm going to have
to run some more tests.

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More tests? What
are these tests for?

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Well, I'm going to have to build
a psychological profile.

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You're giving me a crazy test?

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No, it's not
a crazy test.

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It's to see
if you're good at anything.

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One question.

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Are these tests important?

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Well, unless you want to start
taking a little bus to school,

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they're very important.

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I'll see you
tomorrow.

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While the guidance counselor
worked on a plan for my future,

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my father had a plan
for my present.

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Hey, baby,
what you doing?

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You want me to go get the kids'
new school clothes, right?

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Well, not unless you want me
to take off of work to do it.

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No, that's okay,

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but before I go
buying new stuff,

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I want to get rid of
the old stuff first.

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So I've got
two piles:

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Chris' stuff that
I'm getting rid of

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and Drew's stuff that
I'm giving to Chris.

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That's right there.

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I'm sure glad
Drew wasn't a girl.

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So you're buying something for
Drew and Tonya and not Chris?

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You want him working
on his Ph.D. in hand

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Drew barely wears something
before he grows out of it.

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I mean, his stuff
is almost new.

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Chris will be fine.

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My father was working
his scheme

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and the next day
I was getting worked over.

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What we're going to do is
the word association test.

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I'm going to say a word

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and I want you to say the
first thing that comes to mind.

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Brain.
Excuse me?

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Brain. You said "mind"
and I said "brain."

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Yeah, but we haven't
even started yet.

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Oh, sorry.

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Okay, let's start.

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School.
School.

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Teacher.
Teacher.

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Okay, I-I don't think
you understand this.

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I-I don't need you
to repeat what I say.

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I need you to say the first
thing that comes to mind.

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But what you say is the first
thing that comes to my mind.

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Well, I need you to say the
next thing that comes to mind.

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So the second thing?

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If the second thing
that comes to mind

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is the thing
that works in your mind,

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then let's do that thing.

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Okay, let's start.

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Father.
Tired.

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Mother.
Bald.

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Excuse me?

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Sorry. I was still on "father."

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Thank God.
I thought you had a bald mother.

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Okay, I'm going to make it
a little simpler for you.

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Slow.

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Fast.

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Dumb.
Sucker.

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Punk.

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Chump.

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Idiot.
Fool.

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Who?

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You.

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What?
Chicken-butt.

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Put it in a cup.

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Go around the corner
and lick it up.

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Oh, wait a minute.

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After going
to the guidance counselor,

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I really started to think

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about what I was going
to do with my life.

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Hey, Dad, how'd
you decide

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what you were gonna
do for a living?

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I applied for a bunch of jobs

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and I took every one
that hired me.

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And he would have kept them all
if he could have.

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Well, you won't have
to do that, baby.

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You're going to college.

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You'll be able to do
anything you want.

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Like get out of high school?

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Am I going to college, too?

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Yeah, you can be a professor
of ugly-ocity.
Shut up.

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Well, whatever you do,
make sure you like it,

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'cause once you have a family,

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that's what you're gonna
be doing

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for the rest of your life.

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ROCHELLE:
Wow.

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You make it sound so bad.

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So, Mom, how did you decide
what you were going to be?

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Well, when your father
decided that he wasn't going

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to be rich, I decided
to get a job.

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I didn't decide
I wasn't going to be rich.

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I didn't go to college.

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I drive a truck 'cause
that's what I know how to do.

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So you're saying you
don't like your life?

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I didn't say that.

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You know what, Julius?
Do you think

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you are the only one
that had a dream?

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Here we go.

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You know what, kids?
I had a dream.

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Every time I see
Shirley Chisholm, I think,

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"Wow, hey,
that could have been me."

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Yeah, I could have done
a lot of things.

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I could have won
a Pulitzer Prize.

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If she only learned
how to Pulitzer.

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I could have been
a Poet Laureate.

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That don't rhyme.

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You know what? I even could
have won a Cy Young Award.

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If she could only throw
a knuckleball.

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But instead I decided
to raise your family.

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My family?

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Now it's my family.

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That's right.

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Your family.

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And what thanks
do I get?

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:
Whatever you want to do, Chris,
just make sure you like it.

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That's what he said to you.

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I didn't mean it
like that.

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You know
what, Julius?

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I don't want to make
you any more unhappy

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than you already are.

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If he wasn't happy before,
it ain't changing no time soon.

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(door opens
and closes)

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My dad didn't go to college
and neither did my mother,

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so I tried to find out
if I knew anybody who did.

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Hey, Manny, did you
ever go to college?

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Always wanted to,
but I found out I couldn't.

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Why not?

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I had this thing called
"extenuating circumstances."

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Like what?
I never finished high school.

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So I got a job here
and when Manny died,

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I took over.

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Wait, you had the same
name as the owner?

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No, no, no,
my name was Lester.

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but I had to make a choice:

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change the sign
or change my name.

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And that sign was expensive.

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Hey, Kill Moves,
what did you want to do?

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I'm doing it.

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And if you study real hard,

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you, too, could be President
of the United States of America.

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Or crazy as hell.

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Hey, Mr. Abbott.

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How's it going, Chris?

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Well, I talked to a few people

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and I still don't know what
I want to do for a living,

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but I do know that my mom
wants me to go to college.

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College

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To learn?

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Learn? You can learn
anywhere, Chris.

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You can learn by reading
a fortune cookie.

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If you get hit
by a truck,

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you learn not to walk
out into traffic.

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If you smack Mike
Tyson, you learn

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that you are going to
get your ass whooped.

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But your
parents are

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way too broke for you to go
to college to just learn.

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They need you
to go to college

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and learn how
to get a job.

255
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,681
Besides, I think
it's a little too early

256
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,683
for you to be thinking
about college right now.

257
00:09:09,717 --> 00:09:11,118
And why is that?

258
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:13,621
Well, according to
your test results,

259
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:14,922
you have a lot of potential,

260
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,790
but it's just going
to take time to develop.

261
00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:18,291
So what do we do now?

262
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,861
I'm recommending that you
take remedial classes.

263
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,362
Remedial class?!

264
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,430
Remedial class.

265
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,834
I can't go to remedial class.
You're going to go.

266
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:28,736
How am I supposed
to tell my mama

267
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:29,870
I'm going to remedial class?

268
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,204
I'll write a note.

269
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,879
So how'd it go
with the guidance counselor?

270
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,981
He wants to put me
in remedial class.

271
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:41,982
What?!

272
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:42,783
How did that happen?

273
00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:44,652
Well, remember
that test we took?

274
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:45,686
The one
they said didn't matter?

275
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,354
Right. It mattered.

276
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,690
The only thing worse
than getting put out of school

277
00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:52,392
was the thought of being put
in remedial class.

278
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,227
* Round and round
Come on, Chris!

279
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:57,698
* The wheels on the bus go
round and round *

280
00:09:57,731 --> 00:10:01,068
* All through the town.

281
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,073
I guess it was a little bit
more serious than I thought.

282
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,340
I got to see that guy, too.

283
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,376
What for?
I don't know.

284
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,645
Well, at least I live
too far away from school

285
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:12,813
to ride the short bus.

286
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,214
Actually,
you don't.

287
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,850
City regulations allow for
special needs students pickups

288
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:18,652
throughout
all school districts.

289
00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:20,821
Thanks.

290
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,760
What's all this?

291
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:29,229
The kids' new
school clothes.

292
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:30,731
The Salvation Marines?

293
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:33,166
You went shopping
at the thrift store?

294
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,135
My father loved thrift stores

295
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,637
'cause you could trade in
your old clothes...

296
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:41,241
...for some new old clothes.

297
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:45,746
My kids are not wearing
somebody else's old clothes.

298
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:49,249
I mean, these pants
could've belonged to anybody.

299
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,018
You act like the
pants are cursed.

300
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:53,020
MAN:
Face forward.

301
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,321
WOMAN:
That's him, officer.

302
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:55,756
Are you sure?

303
00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:56,456
I know it's him.

304
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,791
He's wearing those pants.

305
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:03,931
Look, I can't afford to buy
all new school clothes.

306
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,733
I guess
that's one more thing

307
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,968
you can't stand
about your miserable life.

308
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,469
My kids are not wearing these,

309
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:12,305
so you either get
new clothes or new kids.

310
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,942
He's trying to figure out
which one is cheaper.

311
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,244
While my mother was throwing
clothes in the box,

312
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,279
Greg was thinking
outside the box.

313
00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:21,181
You did unbelievable
on this test.

314
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:23,450
There's a lot of things
you could do when you
get out of college.

315
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:26,453
At first, I was
thinking I could start up
an investment banking firm,

316
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,789
or maybe franchise
a coffee store.

317
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,457
"Franchise a coffee store"?

318
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:34,027
That is the dumbest idea
I've ever heard in my life.

319
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:36,764
A store that sells
nothing but coffee?

320
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,031
Well what you going
to open up next?

321
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:39,466
A place that sells
nothing but staples?

322
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:41,268
Oh, what's after that?

323
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,737
A place that sells
everything for 99 cents?

324
00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:49,242
You smell anything?

325
00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:51,411
Well, see that's what
I was going to tell you.

326
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:54,247
I settled on being an astronaut.

327
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:55,949
I'm-I'm wearing a diaper.

328
00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:57,717
A diaper?!

329
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:00,287
You mean, you want
to fly a rocket,

330
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,489
but you're still gonna
pee in your pants?

331
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:04,024
Well, they don't make you do it

332
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,226
but I wanted to see
if I could take it.

333
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,461
Nobody could take it, Greg.

334
00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:10,230
Now, get the funk
out of my office.

335
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:15,268
Gah!

336
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,839
Mr. Abbott?

337
00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:21,408
Chris. Can I help you?

338
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,210
I'm not going
to remedial class.

339
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,312
Chris, I'm just trying to do
what's best for you.

340
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:27,047
If I would've known

341
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,083
the test was that important,
I could've done better.

342
00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:32,820
If you could've done better,
you would've done better.

343
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:34,021
Then let me take
the test again.

344
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:35,856
It wouldn't even matter, Chris.

345
00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:37,457
It's already on your
permanent record.

346
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:38,558
So you're telling me
that even though

347
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,261
I've been passing classes
for the past two years,

348
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,396
I do bad on one test,
and it's over?

349
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,265
Hey, I don't make the rules.

350
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:47,100
I just follow them.
Why?

351
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:50,137
Hey, hey, hey, don't get
mad at me, short bus.

352
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:53,440
You're the one that didn't
take this test serious.

353
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:54,507
It's a test.

354
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,877
What did you think
was gonna happen?

355
00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:59,479
You know what they do to food
before they give it to people?

356
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,114
They test it.

357
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:02,582
They don't even give people

358
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,052
paper towels without
testing it first.

359
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:06,286
How do you think they know

360
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,221
that Bounty is
the quicker picker

361
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:10,257
They test it, and you
know what happens

362
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,426
to all the other paper towels
that couldn't sop up the grease?

363
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:16,163
They fail and get sent back.

364
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,065
Well, maybe if they would've
told the paper towel

365
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:19,266
that he needed to
sop up the grease

366
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,567
to get to the store,
he would've done better.

367
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,203
What are you talking about?!

368
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,605
I don't know. You started it.

369
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,941
Okay, you want some help?

370
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,443
Yeah.

371
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,012
Let's go for a ride.

372
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,248
What does this have to do
with me going to college?

373
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:37,050
If you don't know what you
want to do with your life,

374
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:40,220
it's all going to be a big waste
of time and money.

375
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:43,056
Do you know how many
broke people went to college?

376
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:45,458
Not really.

377
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,427
Ladies and gentlemen,

378
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:50,163
this young man here thinks
that all you have to do

379
00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:52,933
in life is go to college
and you'll be successful.

380
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,335
By a show of hands, how
many of you went to college?

381
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,107
We're on the wrong bus.

382
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:05,112
Now by a show of hands, how many
of you people went to college?

383
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:07,380
We're on the right bus.

384
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,149
Now by another
show of hands,

385
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,985
how many of you people right now

386
00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:15,455
wish you had that money
to pay some bills?

387
00:14:17,124 --> 00:14:18,525
Thank you.

388
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,397
So what do I do?

389
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,066
Well, I can't tell you that.

390
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:28,135
But I'll tell you this,
you can't go to college

391
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:30,370
just because your parents
will get mad if you don't.

392
00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:32,205
When you get out
of high school,

393
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:34,107
take some time to
figure things out.

394
00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:36,376
Get a job, travel.

395
00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:38,078
Go find yourself.

396
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:47,520
Hey, kid, you need a ride?

397
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,389
Can I get on without a helmet?

398
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:50,657
Come on.

399
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,363
Good-bye, past.
Hello, future.

400
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:02,302
After I got all my guidance,
my mother told the counselor

401
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:04,337
where he could go.

402
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:11,044
Still wearing that diaper, huh?

403
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:13,146
After a while,
you don't notice.

404
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:15,182
Right.

405
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:19,319
So what are you
doing out here?

406
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:24,024
My mom wasn't happy with the
guidance counselor's guidance.

407
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:25,692
I know how she feels.

408
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:28,195
The guy basically told me
I can do anything I want.

409
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:29,496
That's pressure.

410
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:33,133
It's like, even if I wanted
to fail, I couldn't.

411
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:34,667
That was the moment I realized

412
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,669
what it truly meant
to be white.

413
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,238
Must be tough.

414
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:42,209
I'm sorry, but it's all right
there in the test.

415
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:44,277
Tests, tests-- you keep
talking about tests.

416
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:46,546
I'm here to talk about my son.

417
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:48,181
I mean, what does
a test prove anyway?

418
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:49,716
Charles Manson
passed some tests.

419
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:53,320
I'm not saying there's
anything wrong with your son.

420
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:55,755
Well, I'm saying that there's
something wrong with you.

421
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:58,125
You're supposed to be
a guidance counselor.

422
00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,726
Guide.

423
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,228
I did the best I could.

424
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:03,130
No, you didn't.

425
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,165
"Go find yourself."
What is that?

426
00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:06,766
I'm not trying to hold
your son back.

427
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,669
But going to college without
knowing what you want to study

428
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,571
is kind of like going
to a grocery store

429
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:12,639
without knowing
what you want to eat.

430
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,575
And telling a boy to figure out
what he wants to do

431
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,144
by telling him to do nothing

432
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,412
is like telling him to learn
how to swim by drowning.

433
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,148
What are you talking about?

434
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,150
I don't know,
but you started it.

435
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:24,517
Thanks for coming.

436
00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:25,785
You're more than welcome.
Nice meeting you.

437
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:26,853
Pleasure.

438
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:30,357
Anyways, I can't wait
for this interview to be over,

439
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:31,791
so I can put more
baby powder on.

440
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,327
MR. ABBOTT:
I know you want
what's bet for your son,

441
00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:36,163
but I think he's
going to be okay.

442
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:38,298
Thank you very much.

443
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,469
What the hell is that smell?

444
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:46,106
Greg, is that you, boy?

445
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:47,474
I'm studying to be
an astronaut.

446
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,042
Well, even astronauts
wash their...

447
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,143
CHRIS:
Come on, Ma.

448
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:52,379
My God!

449
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,617
Nope, nope, nope.
Get out of here, Funky Brewster.

450
00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:59,552
Every day of my life,
my mother threatened

451
00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:03,523
to knock the lobes off my ears
or slap the pores off my face,

452
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,392
but if anybody else
ever put me down,

453
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,727
she was always there
to pick me back up.

454
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,829
Look, Chris, I don't know
what you're going to do
with your life.

455
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,564
You may go to college,
you may not.

456
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:14,167
But I know whatever you do,
you're going to be good at it.

457
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,803
'Cause I ain't having no grown
man sleeping in my house.

458
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,271
Yes, ma'am.

459
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:20,407
So, how'd things go?

460
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:22,242
Did you figure out
what you want to do?

461
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:25,378
Not really,
but I'll be all right.

462
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:29,082
If I can't figure out what
I want to do, at least I can
be a guidance counselor.

463
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:31,251
I mean, all you do
is ask people questions

464
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:32,385
that you don't even
know the answer to,

465
00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:34,421
and you tell them
to take a hike.

466
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:36,189
I mean, I may not be the
smartest person in the world,

467
00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:37,824
but I think I'm smart enough
to do that.

468
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:41,294
MR. ABBOTT:
Is that all you think I do?

469
00:17:41,328 --> 00:17:43,663
Even in a diaper,
Greg could run like the wind.

470
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,132
The smelly wind.

471
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,099
Am I wrong?

472
00:17:46,133 --> 00:17:48,568
Listen here, short bus,
I work for the school.

473
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,570
I deal with the tests, okay?

474
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,139
You know, when I was your age,

475
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,407
I took these tests, too,
and I did great.

476
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:57,310
Do you think I thought
I was going to just be
a guidance counselor?

477
00:17:57,344 --> 00:17:58,811
What did you want to do?

478
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:03,550
What I wanted to do
required bravery...

479
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,353
dedication, commitment.

480
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,488
I wanted to serve the people.

481
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:10,890
So you wanted to be a Marine?

482
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,692
Not exactly.

483
00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:24,137
Anyway, it's not too late
for me,

484
00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:26,273
and it's not too late for you.

485
00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:28,308
Good luck.

486
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,546
Hey, Ma, come look!

487
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:37,884
Aren't these jeans cool?

488
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:40,320
Baby, those are adorable.

489
00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:41,888
Hey, Chris.

490
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:43,156
So how'd it go at school today?

491
00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:45,292
Fine.

492
00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:47,260
Fine.

493
00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:49,462
Daddy let us pick out
our own clothes.

494
00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:51,598
Well, hopefully you picked out
something you liked.

495
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,500
I mean, heaven forbid
you wake up one day

496
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:54,667
and realize you can't stand it.

497
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:57,904
Rochelle, stop it.

498
00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:59,206
Okay, just stop it.

499
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:00,740
What? What are you
talking about?

500
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,909
Rochelle, the reason

501
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,344
I said those things to Chris

502
00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:06,279
is because nobody said
those things to me.

503
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:08,615
You're the best thing
that ever happened to me.

504
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,451
And, yeah, I mean, I
don't get a lot of sleep,

505
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,653
and I don't make a lot
of money, but I've got you.

506
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,622
I've got my kids,

507
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,690
and that's all I need.

508
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:21,228
At that moment, I didn't have
any idea what I wanted to do,

509
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:23,396
but what I wanted to be
was just like my father.

510
00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:26,766
Where the hell you get that,
from the inside of a card?

511
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:27,900
Peabo Bryson song.

512
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:29,202
That's how I feel.

513
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:30,537
Then why didn't
you just say that?

514
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:31,838
I just said it.

515
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:33,840
Why didn't you say it
in the first place?

516
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:38,411
Hey, Chris, I got
you something.

517
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:41,748
Air Jordans?!

518
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:42,949
These cost a fortune.

519
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:44,517
Oh, not these.

520
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:45,918
Let's just say
I got a deal.

521
00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:47,920
Uh-oh.

522
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:50,523
Even though I wasn't sure what
I was going to do with my life,

523
00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:52,992
I knew one thing for sure:
my mother and father

524
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,927
were always going
to look out for me.

525
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:56,529
The only feeling
better than that

526
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:58,331
was having a brand-new
pair of shoes.

527
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,233
:
That's him!
Are you sure?

528
00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:02,502
I'm positive!
He's wearing those shoes.

529
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,274
Daddy! Daddy!

530
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:11,210
* Everybody hates Chris.

531
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:19,519
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